I Never Wanted Someone to Save Me

Stillness wraps around my ankles like so much wasted space. Heartbeat slowed to a quiet dance inside my chest, thoughts rumble louder. We stood and watched the headlights pass at dusk and I thought the world was changing.

You laughed and called me a hurricane. Dancing through your life like wind and rain. I tore the top off, exposed you, then slipped away while you slept. No note for your pillow. No kiss goodbye.

It’s in the stories you tell.

What you don’t know could have saved you, though I would still be gone. I should have told you how I change like seasons. Perpetually not the same. Moments change everything. I tried to rearrange the rooms, but nothing fit. It’s like trying to paint leaves onto trees in the winter. You would have called it spring, but we both know better.

But you’re still shaking branches. And I’m still waiting for someone to change me from the inside out. Untangle the stars from my smile, look beyond painted canvas, and find me. It’s true I still wish sometimes that it was you. But I couldn’t keep pretending we were an ocean together. This is where we crash and burn. There’s nothing left to stop the bleeding.

Turn away.


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