Smoke and Mirrors

i think about this

like driving in circles and judging your interest
by how far down you smoked your cigarette
and now you don’t even smoke

but i do

i picked fights with reality
just to see your smile
the way you looked all shaded in street lights
while i leaned into that tree outside the bar

and what i know is i turned inside out
the moment you touched me
reality shifted sideways
left me stranded
staring at empty windows
like the back of my hand.
sitting cross-legged, arms folded
in that place where everyone was wrong
and we were right
and no one could tell me any different
those tiny fractions of time
lost in moments of weakness
when i finally
for a minute
felt like i belonged
to something more than awkward glances
solitude and sadness

it feels like continents away, now
that space between silence and nothing
when i leaned against you and watched the sky fall
i stood there fearing nothing in this world

except this.

now i’m the one asking all the questions
like where did we go
and where are we going
and how did we get here
with no hands on the wheel
i’m trying to grasp how in the span of a single year
we’ve managed a lifetime
dancing on the lines
of love and comfort and obsession
we dangle between mirrors of ourselves
simple reflections of truth

in the end we are nothing like them
those two unsuspecting souls
standing on the street outside a bar
watching life twist into a spectacular ring of smoke

rising from your cigarette.


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