adjusting to consequences is rough. today i am a disappointment. paranoia trickles down me like hot shower water, sleepy and alive. somewhere i have left a mark, if only i could find it.
i am more angry now than anything.
i want more than appeasement and an unsettling aftertaste of life. i should be writing and loving living, not flying backward from cliffs and diving into knee deep water. i am tired and no longer alone. i am surviving and unwilling to maintain it. i am drifting. falling from the carriage.
such a pretty smile if only it behaved. mocking eyes, you are so funny to think so.
it’s such a sweet silence when you’re sleeping. happy dreaming looks on your face. stay. i am terrified of flying when you’re gone. scared, consumed with laughter and shallow graves half empty.
i’m learning now to reach for things alone.
one step forward, one step back. away from the edge or off it, depending on which way i’m facing when the blindfold is off.
i’ve changed my mind. the worst way to die is not to fall
it is to fall alone.