Clean Up, Aisle 3

“How are you holding up?” They ask, hopeful my answer will ease their own worried minds. “I’m hanging in there.” I say, trying to keep my voice steady, lips turned upward into a smile.  Reality can be such a difficult burden to bear.  In truth, even the grocery store feels like a graveyard now.  All…

On Lunch and Love

As a kid, I remember watching my grandmother carefully pack my grandfather’s lunch pail each night, so it would be waiting for him when he left for work early the next morning. It’s surprising that such a simple task has stayed with me all these years, I think, but it has. There were nights I…

Reprieve

When I say I am just so tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I’m not asking for someone to save me. Sometimes, I just need a soft landing, a comforting embrace, a quiet whisper telling me that I am enough and that I am not alone.

I Do Not Need You

I will never be your damsel in distress will never need you to change my tire fold me up into the safety of your pocket walk me home under the cover of your shadow or tell those boys outside the bar to settle down. No, I might not need a knight in shining armor but…

Retrospect

Those words I typed, designed carefully, deliberately for a fleeting moment of bliss or two, were snatched up by the Universe herself, laid bare in her outstretched palm in offering of things neither of us had dared ask for. And now, the mere scent of you holds me captive. That fleeting moment, once desperately craved,…

Holes in Jeans and Crowded Rooms (2010)

Sometimes I notice the craziest things and I wonder what they all mean, or whether they really mean anything at all, because everything seems so oddly significant and insignificant all at once. Like that amused looking man on the bus who kept sucking his teeth half-smirk and I couldn’t tell whether he was happily lost…

Pandora’s Box

Like the smell of snow in the air before a single flake falls, I sense a change on the horizon.There is an ache deep in the pit of my stomach today. My soul is hovering on fight-or-flight instinct, searching dark hallways and moonlit paths for an answer that may never come. And yet, nothing has…

Dust and Vapor

What an off day this has been. Last night, I woke several times from dreams that left me shaking. The kind of dreams that make you reach out in the dark for something, or someone, familiar, just to ground yourself back in reality. The dreams were different each time, but they all shared a common…

Happy?

I have been so careful with you for so long, always worried that one misstep, one swerve to the left, and my entire world would go up in flames. I was raised to believe that love means going out of your way to ensure the happiness of someone else, even if that happiness carries the…

Blackout

I heard the click, audibly, In the back of my mind The minute those words left your fingers Power down the main circuits And all that’s left is the slow Quiet hum of the backup generator. It isn’t that I care, really, Who your gloves are Or how nicely your hands fit Inside them It’s…

Backdraft

It’s a lack of sound, a lack of words, a lack of effective communication. A cesspool of thoughts, emotions and unnerving apathy waiting for the reintroduction of air. It’s frustration, isolation, and fear. It’s trying to claw your way out and finding you’ve only managed to dig yourself deeper. It’s feeling like it’s getting harder…

The screams look like smiles from the distance where I keep you

It’s a fault, really — this automatic response system. A built-in, fully customizable auto-pilot that allows basic functioning and a general appearance of being totally fine and confident, with absolutely no effort on my part. It just happens…well…automatically. And so you see exactly what it wants you to see. Calm, cool, collected… But completely broken….